If this whole missionary thing has taught me one thing, it is that this life is full of insane juxtapositions. I have one life of working with Khmer and Vietnamese staff and the students who have to be on a payment plan to pay the annual school fee of $2.50 to be in our catch-up schools, and then I run home to eat my hamburger that was cooked by our house help while we watch the newest (or new to us) episode of Modern Family and enjoy a bottle of wine.
I live one life in English, where I am able to express myself fully, share my thoughts, and laugh and tell jokes with friends...and another in Khmer, where I sound like an idiot, and if it weren't for my pale white skin people might think I have totally lost it through some form of brain damage.
I read the Bible and believe in God's promises...and then walk past the lepers of our world wondering if they also could believe those same promises if they were to hear about them.
I believe in the redemption of Christ and want to give up everything to follow him...and I still want to buy the newest pair of heels I saw in the store the other day, and go watch a CU football game.
But I have learned that this life of following Christ is full of these crazy things that seem like opposites, but when put side-by-side I see how they mysteriously fit together.
Kinda like how sin and complete grace fit, or the joy in knowing the suffering make a perfect match. They somehow work.
We have learned that if we are willing, then God moves powerfully. If we are only willing to try, only willing to give our time, only willing to give our money, only willing to love those who have never seen love before, then God will create great influence in and through us. That in being obedient to His call of "thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven" then we get a glimpse into what heaven is like...even here in the broken world of earth.
Heidi Baker, a missionary from many many years ago said, "Us as believers need to go 'Go Low, and go slow.' By going low, we need to be more humble. By going slow, we need to really slow down and take time to love people."
My hope is that we have learned how to embody that more.