One foot here, one foot there. This is how I have felt for the past 6 months, meaning that I have one foot in Cambodia and one foot in the U.S. As time goes by I think I will never be able to completely take my one foot out of the U.S. and have both standing here in Phnom Penh. For those who have followed our blog and for our family that have been able to visit they know and can see that we feel without a doubt that Cambodia is where God has us, and we are nothing shy of overjoyed and grateful to be living in Cambodia, however, I can't lift that foot away from the people that remain in the states. A piece of my heart will always be with those people. I think about my niece who had her first day of school, some of our closest friends who got married, and then those who got engaged, our family members that have had to undergo emergency surgery, or those friends and family who became parents, homeowners, returned to school, or moved to another state. As our dear family and friends progress and change in their lives we grieve the loss of not being there with them. I think of the words in Philippians that say, "mourn with those who mourn, and rejoice with those who rejoice" and it aches me to feel distant in that. The blessing is we get to mourn and rejoice with the incredible people we have come alongside in Cambodia. For those of you who read this we are forever in debt to the love we have received from the families and individuals we share life with here.
With all that said, there are amazing things like Skype, emails, and phone cards that make communication so easy and something that helps us connect with our loved ones thousands of miles away. However, it can still never replace the hug you can give your mother, or the coffee date you cherish with your closest friend. Those are things we miss daily. We also as people desire and seek to be understood. That desire is hard to accomplish here, when there is no one who feels the same as you, not even those I have connected with the most. This is nothing new in moving to Asia, as we all see, hear, and feel things in our own unique capacity, but for some reason that feeling of being isolated in your emotions is amplified. You always feel like no one completely understands you, or the life you are living here.
We feel exceptionally grateful that we have already had both families visit us in just 6 short months of being in Phnom Penh. They got to witness and become a part of our everyday lives, and those stories we tell now are heard so much more clearly back at home. The down side of those visits, is the painful good-bye on the last day. We are just fresh off a good-bye from my mom who had the chance to visit for almost 4 weeks, so I have no doubt that my thoughts are running rampant due to that. As both visitors leave you feel that distance lengthen between you and the U.S. as we won't be taking that half-the-world-away flight for another 18 months. I asked several people to pray for our time of good-bye with my mom, and it was answered so perfectly. We still shed some tears, exchanged kisses on the cheek, but left the airport with a sense of peace that only the Lord can provide in a time of such extreme emotion. God is so sustaining.
I have been reading through the letters the apostle Paul wrote to the churches he visited, and through his words I can relate to how he feels. He often in the same sentence writes things of, "I am saddened I can't be with you, but pleased to hear of your lives." That is how we feel, saddened to say good-bye to family and to have not seen friends in months, but grateful to have been able to spend time with them in Cambodia, and in some odd technology way, still be a part of those lives back in the U.S. We are created to be relational, but more than ever I feel like I have been whipped and tossed around on a roller coaster of emotions thinking about the people we get to share life with. Relationships. They are so rich, yet at times so difficult on the soul.
We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you have become so dear to us. -- Thessalonians 2:8
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